My Story Of Domestic Violence
Author: BettyConfidential
As the sad saga of Rihanna and Chris Brown continues …
-Anony-Betty
When people talk about domestic abuse, it’s inevitable that one of the first things out of anyone’s mouth will be, “why doesn’t she just leave?”
The answer: It’s not that simple.
In case you’ve been living under a rock (or somewhere without internet access), just three weeks after he was arrested for bashing her about the face, choking her until she lost consciousness, and running off into the night, leaving her bruised and bloody, Chris Brown has managed to convince Rihanna to forgive him. According to People Magazine, the two are currently reconciling at one of P. Diddy’s homes on Miami Beach’s Star Island. A friend of the singer’s told Us magazine, “She’s not listening to anyone. And of course Puff got involved in this.”
When people condemn battered women as stupid or weak-willed, they don’t get how the whole thing gets started. Nobody slaps you on the first date. Certainly my abusive boyfriend – who was also my first-ever boyfriend – waited until he knew I was madly in love with him before he tried anything.
Abusers are insidious. They begin with a subtle campaign of undermining, designed to break you down emotionally before they begin slapping you around physically. I already came from a background where my mom beat me up fairly regularly. In fact, my little sister’s first memory is of her kicking my then-three-year-old ass. So I suppose I was easy prey.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word . . .
I’m not surprised that Rihanna returned to Brown. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to admit that the man you love beats you up? She’s probably searching for an explanation and I’m betting she’s blaming herself. After all, people she considered friends have come out defending her batterer. Their pal Diddy didn’t offer to pay for therapy (that we know of), he just gave Brown a secluded place to start up the cycle of abuse again.
Isolation is one of the key elements to domestic abuse.
Another friend of theirs said, “Chris is all right. He’s a good kid. He feels very bad that something like this has happened.”
Something like this has happened?!?!? Oopsie! You’d think he spilled wine on her sofa!
Brown’s spokesperson used similarly ambiguous language.
“While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he is really happy to be with the woman he loves.” Again, about what happened. That’s how you describe nearly murdering a woman?
Batterers rarely take responsibility for their actions, but at the same time, they’re capable of amazing apologies. I personally fielded tears, flowers, promises and declarations of love from mine. As Chris Brown is loaded, I’m sure he’s supplementing his crocodile tears and soon-to-be broken promises with expensive baubles.
Family affair . . .
Like Brown, my boyfriend had enablers who excused his behavior. Shockingly, my BF’s helpers were his family. I remember one night, after a horrific beating (which his parents witnessed), I begged his father to keep his son in the house so I could make it back to my place in one piece. A couple blocks from my house, I heard footsteps behind me. So instead of just being assaulted that evening, I was also raped.
I don’t know for sure that his father beat up their mom, but they certainly seemed fairly blasé about their kid’s crimes. They certainly never called my parents about it. I know my mom and dad suspected I was being beaten, but my mother’s MO was to scream that I was a stupid slut and hit me some more, so I kept my mouth shut.
Rihanna’s dad is taking a lot of heat because he told a reporter, “I love my daughter with whatever road she takes. I’m behind her win or lose. I will be supportive. If that’s the road she wants to choose, I’m behind her. I hope to see her soon.” Though the press is twisting that so it appears that he condones his daughter’s decision to return to Brown, in my humble opinion he said exactly the right thing. What Rihanna needs right now is to know that the people who truly love her, will be there for her when she needs them. I’m sure he’d like to beat Brown within an inch of his life, but saying that right now, will only further alienate his daughter.
So again, why didn’t she leave?
For one thing, the most dangerous time for a battered woman is when she’s thinking of leaving. For another, batterers tend to alienate their prey from their support system, making them feel completely isolated. In my case, my abuser told me – and I believed him – that he would kill me, murder my entire family and then kill himself. In Rihanna’s case, he’s got her out on an island and, according to gossip columnist Janet Charlton, “Chris convinced Rihanna that it was HER fault for MAKING him mad and he lost control because he loves her SO much.” Disgusting and probably true.
After two and a half terrifying, painful years, I eventually escaped my abuser, but only after I decided that even if nobody ever loved me again (and I truly believed this would be the case) that at least I would be alive to possibly make something of my life. Though it’s been many years, writing about my abuse is excruciating, because, in a way, I still blame myself for “letting” it happen.
I hope it takes Rihanna less time than it took me.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/womens-issues-articles/my-story-of-domestic-violence-803635.html
About the Author
November 30, -0001
12:00 am #comment-1
Rihanna isn’t the first celebrity to experience domestic violence. Tina Turner? Whitney Houston? Even Halle Berry got knocked upside the head before by a celebrity boyfriend. It happens all the time to people even men get abused and killed by their women. Can you say Lorena Bobbit who cut off her man penis because she felt he was cheating? No one deserves physical harm. Don’t be fooled because they are celebrities. i think it makes it even worse for him because now a crazed Rihanna fan might decided they want to beat Chris Brown ass when they see him in public.
November 30, -0001
12:00 am #comment-2
I totally agree. She gets all the spot lite because she had a cut lip and her fame. My mom, was beaten and abused by her e boyfriend, for a year. Me and my brother, were also often given a good slapping from him. I would go to school with bruises all over, and mom would go to work, dark purple. People would look, people would whisper, but no one would bother to say anything. Finally my mom called the police, even tho she knew his threats, and that me and my brother might get taken away from the house, she called, and they did nothing at first. it took about 4 phone calls after beatings, for them to do something about it. Finally, he is locked up in jail. He has 5 more years. He is 62. I was only 8 when this happened. Scarest time ever. People should stop worring about Rihannas cut lip, and help the people that need it, my family was in that position, alot worse than rihanna got it, and the police, should really be focusing on those people. the people that are hit daily, not the celebritys that want tons of attention, with a cut lip.
November 30, -0001
12:00 am #comment-3
No one will fully know but Chris and Rihanna until they decide to publicly talk about it!!!
November 30, -0001
12:00 am #comment-4
Nothing has happened, why are people on here asking silly questions?
He is going to court in 2-3 weeks, stop asking questions so that people can write more gossip and lies.
They have not said they are getting married, trashy cheap gossip magazines have said that.
Please people go and fill your spare time with something constructive and productive.
i am volunteering, try it. It’s healthier than gossiping.
November 30, -0001
12:00 am #comment-5
No matter how much of a beach the woman could be no man has the right to lay a finger on her. Rich or not.
February 12, 2009
2:48 pm #comment-6
What is the true story about Chris Brown and Rihanna?
What is the actual story about Chris Brown and Rihanna?? I hope Rihanna is ok and I hope Chris is ok 2!!
February 13, 2009
5:48 am #comment-7
Anyone else feel annoyed at the Chris Brown/Rihanna story?
Sorry to all Chris Brown & Rihanna fans but REAALLLLY!!
Rihannah supposedly had ‘serious’ injuries, which were a cut lip and a bruised faced? :l like since when did that become serious? and also she has been in an on going abusive relationship and im sorry but i really find that hard to believe :l
There are THOUSANDS of women across the globe being killed by thei husbands & boyfriends by domestic abuse and rihanna gets all the attention because she has a cut lip.
It really annoys me that women have to suffer in silence when rihanna gets all the sympathy…
I know it was wrong for Chris Brown to hit her but have there even been pictures posted of rihanna with anything wrong with her?
thanks, I’d just like to know your opinions
:)
February 13, 2009
12:23 pm #comment-8
is any one else thinking rihanna and chris brown story shocking?
I mean some of us ladies may have put up with an abusive partner when we think we have nothing or no one else to run to but rihanna? she has it all? she could get some one much better to love her properly?
is any one else shocked that even she has become a victim of this ?
its not about her bein special she is just flesh and blood she is nothing for me personally im just shocked that she is puttin up with it as she is in a much better situation than us unfamous people !
March 14, 2009
10:10 pm #comment-9
Guys. What is your opinion on The Whole Chris Brown and Rihanna story?
I think it is so horrible.
March 23, 2009
1:45 pm #comment-10
What happened with the whole Rihanna and Chris Brown story?
I know he attacked her. But has anything happened yet?